Eli Having Stress Dreams About What The Coolest Sideline Pose Would Be

By David Ingber


Eli Manning hasn’t been sleeping well ever since he got benched.

And it’s not because his legendary Ironman streak is over. It’s not because he got publicly and unceremoniously demoted after bringing two Super Bowl titles to the only team he’s ever known in his professional career.

It’s because he has no experience standing on the sideline.

“Do I go hands on my hips?” Manning asked himself worriedly in the mirror. “Maybe crossed arms? But then how can I hold the clipboard? Ugh this is stressful.”

Manning will reportedly just sit in the concussion tent because they “have free lemonade and cookies” for the duration of the game (and by “game” we mean “until Geno Smith throws his third interception of the first half”).

susan widdicombe