Eli, If It Makes You Feel Better, None Of Us Will Start For The Giants This Week Either

By David Ingber


Dear Eli Manning,

When word came down that your legendary NFL Ironman streak of consecutive games was coming to an end, we, the Kicker Staff (or the hastily assembled few of us who were willing to pose for this photo and/or happened to be close by), figured you could use some support. So we have declared, in one voice, that we all refuse to start for the Giants at quarterback this week as well.

That’s right.

During your next game, we will all, in protest of this heinous decision by a head coach who has the haircut of a third-tier mafia goon, watch the game from our respective couches or sports bars of our choice, and not suit up for the New York Giants.

Unless, by some miracle, someone from the Giants randomly does happen to call and offer one of us, a haphazard collection of comedy writers and aging high school athlete glory day re-livers, the starting job and accompanying NFL-level game check. Then, uh, yeah, all solidarity definitely goes out the window.

Surely you can understand.

So, anyway, go out there, and get to work on a new jingle for Farmers Insurance or Allstate or something, because your brother seems to be making 800 million dollars every Sunday based on his work in that arena.

With tepid admiration,

The Kicker Staff

susan widdicombe