Giants Considering Anyone Who’s Ever Met Belichick For Head Coach
By David Ingber
Having fired head coach Bob McAdoo in the middle of the season, the New York Giants are now expanding their search beyond Patriots offensive and defensive coordinators. One sources indicates that the team has scheduled interviews with dozens of semi-qualified and utterly unqualified candidates simply on the basis of having met and subsequently spent time with Bill Belichick.
“I was so flattered when the Giants called me,” noted 94-year old Rosemary Gorman, who taught Belichick economics at Wesleyan college decades ago. “I must say I don’t really like football, and I retired over 20 years ago, but they’re flying me out to New York. Might as well go – I can see the Statue of Liberty.”
Giants president John Mara confirmed the team has lined up back-to-back interviews with Belichick’s dogwalker, mailman, dentist, and a guy who once came over to fix Belichick’s DVR after a bad snowstorm.
The Giants also unsuccessfully offered Bill Belichick himself the coaching job, but were berated so thoroughly over the phone that they ended up accidentally offering him a 5% ownership stake in the team without actually getting anything in return.